Kirika Nishino – Melon Pi (July 23, 2010)
E-Net Frontier
Catalog # – ENFD-5239 – Region 2 Disc – 16:9 Aspect
Running Time: 96 Minutes

The Skinny: Tall and lanky, Kirika Nishino gives off a kind of vibe that reads “I Don’t Really Care” and one that is pointing towards ‘defiant’. She’s just so matter of fact about showing off her body in a particularly sexual but dull manner. Many of the angles in this DVD certainly convey that this is about sex – almost to the extent that this is all they want to convey.

What makes it somewhat surprising is how the video begins. In both the montage and Chapter One and even a few more chapters, Kirika appears as a school student in a typical Japanese girl’s school uniform or at least in ‘plain clothes’ but looking like she’s studying. They’re making sure we see her a student.

If that wasn’t enough (the student scenario), she’s going to get out of her clothes, In fact we see a pair of hands that belong to someone else help her out of these clothes. In Chapter One. In a school no less.

Chapter Two begins at the 13 minute mark. Since the DVD runs about 96 minutes we are going to have some lengthy chapters. Still in school, we have Kirika in a blue bikini with a deflated soccer ball in the school’s gym. Using a hand pump, Kirika works at filling the soccer ball with air. Can you spell ‘handjob’? Can you spell jiggle? Then more jiggle as she runs in place. Despite using the soccer ball as a seat, or as a resting place for her boobs, this was a dreadfully boring scene.

The third chapter begins in a natatorium which means we will see a gymnasium sized swimming pool. Kirika wears one of those snug fitting Arena swimsuits. But there’s no swimming at all. Instead we get aerobics, then some practice for swimming leg motions on a bench alongside the pool, some peeking at Kirika in the ladies dressing room, and then it is back out to poolside again, so Kirika can pose with bare breasts covered by a hand-bra. The shot above is the from the one good sequence in the entire chapter.

A strange chapter follows. Basically it was a long drawn out affair that’s purpose was to employ the hand bra. Someone else’s hands actually. Yeah, Kirika has a man’s hands on her boobs. Trust me it was quite dull.

Next Kirika shows up in a baseball dugout. She’s rubbing a bat, then she’s rubbing some one’s else bat, but they’re implying a hand job. Before you can say Ichiro, she’s down to a bra and panties. That is a double set of panties. Navy ones over smaller white ones. Sorry, but this was tortuous to watch even with Kirika’s fine ass on display. Just in time the bat is re-introduced between her legs and upwards to between her boobs.

In the next one Kirika is dressed in an abbreviated furry white bunny costume. She hops around continuously. She’s also mixing up a bowl of whipped cream. Which gets applied to her chest.

In the next chapter of this cosplay (yes that’s what it is – a cosplay without real sex), Kirika plays a nurse who is applying a soapy gel to someone. Kimoji des ka – Does it feel good? she asks. That’s it for him. For the rest of the scene Kirika does what every JAV actress does in a soap video – only there’s no guy  – just her.

When this scene ends we are at 1:02 so there’s still a half hour remaining. Aargh.

Next – she’s in a red and black bustier and fish net stockings, panties, a garter belt. Her hands are manacled together and there’s a chain attached and someone else has control the chain. Somehow the top of the bustier come down so she has to cover her breasts by holding her arms up in front of her chest with her hands still manacled under her chin. And yes some is still tugging on the chain.

Eventually that minor bondage scene ends and then Kirika is taking a shower wearing only a bra and panties which is only a prep for Kirika to have someone hold an ice cream on stick in front of her.

I’m wondering what’s next? Have they reached the bottom of all the boring sexual teasing? Not yet.

The ice cream on a stick must serve as a substitute for those annoying pointers we see so often, which of course leads to Kirika taking off the bra. Geez, what a surprise! The scene ends with Kirika covering her breasts with her own hands as she reclines in about three inches of bath water.

The last scene follows and at least this time, it is more on the side of normalcy than anything else we’ve seen so far. Kirika starts in a short skirt and a tee shirt, which is reduced to a bra and panties, which then gets down to just panties and a hand bra. All of this takes place on a white sheeted bed.

To the right is the last good shot which occurs just about 8 to 10  seconds from the end of the chapter.

We are done, finally. The credits roll and then five minutes of some out-takes and behind the scenes.

Summary: Was it boring reading about this film. Yes it must be because it was really boring watching and then trying to be creative in doing this review. Sorry I couldn’t do any better.

The montage and what follows tries to be both exciting and outrageous Which is fine. I’m not trying to put a negative spin on that. It’s not that Kirika’s DVD has strong sexual connotations. It is just badly done. The montage is the highlights of the video, and basically all you need to watch.

Kirika, if you’re going to tease then at least show some enthusiasm. Act like you’re having some fun. She didn’t look like she was having fun. For sure neither will you. Viewers, save your money and your time. The rating – avoid this one. When the model looks like she’s just going through the motions, and she can’t wait to punch out at the end of the day; you know the video has issues. Without very many smiles, and laughter, it just doesn’t work. Two point zero.