Miri Hanai – Miri-onaire (June 25th, 2009)
Air Control/Melon
Catalog # – OME-062 – All Regions Disc – 4:3 Aspect
Running Time: 70 minutes
Intro/The Skinny: Thank you to Zatoichi for this guest review of Miri’ Hanai’s latest DVD. While Miri is a delight to watch, sometimes her videos leave you with a sense of disappointment. Was this the case this time? Read the review by Z and find out.
jmm
I recently watched Hanai Miri’s In Secret again – her comeback DVD in 2008 – which I thought was a great release, although JMM disagreed. As the credits rolled, I caught something out of the corner of my eye – the director: Momow. If you haven’t read our review of Isshiki Miyabi’s Miyabi Iro, go do so now. It will put things into perspective.
Released and obviously filmed simultaneously, both Miyabi Iro and Miri-onaire both suffer from a lot of the same problems – generally lackluster camera work, very bad video compression and pedestrian direction which often left the idol in question with nothing to do on camera. Momow was obviously not a competent director. After the revelation that Momow directed both Miri-onaire and In Secret, I did a little checking: of Miri’s releases since 2008, three of the four discs were directed by Momow – In Secret, Maison De Miri and Miri-onaire. I glanced through Cara, but no director was immediately obvious – the style seems too different anyways.
May I hold those for you, ma’am?
So, Momow, if you are reading this (although, let’s face it, that’s a real long shot): what’s the deal? In Secret was excellent and Maison De Miri was uneven but also good, yet you produce a couple of thoroughly mediocre DVDs like this one and Miyabi’s recent release? I guess everyone has their off days, but the drop in quality is jarring.
One of major problems with Miri-onaire is pacing: of the seventy-minute run time, about thirty minutes are spent in the exact same location: 40% of the disc takes place in an indoor pool. Some of you are probably saying, “Who cares? I’m here to ogle Miri, not gaze in awe at the background!” True enough. However, the disc as a whole has a problem with being quite static as far as camera work and movement goes, and the lack of changing scenery makes things even more dull. The opening also runs at fifteen minutes, which is far too long. Variety is the spice of life. Fortunately, the latter tracks on the disc almost makes up for mind-numbingly slow pace of the opening.
That being said, despite the length of the first track, it is a nice opener: Miri is in a room wearing a small white bikini – the camera pans and cuts around her as she poses, showing off her incredible body and some absolutely killer cleavage. Then, she strips off the bikini to reveal… another bikini, although this one is much smaller and reveals a generous amount of underboob. Yum. Then some yellow-greenish liquid drips down onto Miri’s body as she rubs it sensuously over herself. After a bit more posing and jumping around, some water is sprayed down onto her to wash away the jelly or whatever it was. If they cut about five or six minutes here, this could have been one of the best tracks on the disc but as it is, it drags a little and the slowish music doesn’t really help things.
A rare glimpse at Miri’s star-shaped nipples
The next three tracks all take place at an indoor pool with a huge window off to one side. There have been many, many scenes for gravure idol DVD filmed and shot here, so chances are pretty good that you’ll recognize it if you’re a regular viewer of idol videos. In any case, the less said about these the better. Despite one or two bright spots (including a very cute bit where Miri can’t stop giggling during a by-the-numbers massage scene), the half hour just drags due to the unchanging scenery, the mediocre camera work and Miri (or the camera) being submerged in water for a good portion of the latter two tracks.
Fortunately, once the wasteland of the pool scenes is over, things pick up considerably. In a very dark room, we find Miri asleep on a bed wearing a strapless “bra” (I guess) and panties. As she stretches while she sleeps and the camera moves around her, you can see the hint of some pasties peeking over top of the bra, so you expect to see an almost topless Miri, give your self a gold star: once she wakes up, and does a little more posing and flirting, then she rather clumsily removes the top, “accidentally” exposing a lot of boob, ending the scene with her clutching her arms over her overflowing bosom.
A trip to the bathroom is up next, with Miri wearing a much too small polka dot bikini and playing around in the bathtub. Nothing really new here if you’re at all familiar with idol videos – she soaps herself down, presses and rubs her boobs under the glass and teases as she lounges in the tub. It’s nice and sexy, but ultimately forgettable.
The penultimate track has Miri in a dark-coloured room wearing… uh… I’m not actually sure how to describe what she’s wearing. Suffice to say it is extremely revealing, accentuated by some garters and high heels, a hat and a clear riding crop. As soon as the scene starts and the camera pans down her incredible body, you can see more pasties peeking out the side of her “dress” as her breasts bulge out of the confines of the costume. It’s a good scene as Miri teases and taunts playfully, and the camera work is varied and interesting. At the end, Miri cheekily pulls back part of her costume to reveal one of her tits – or almost reveal as is the case. Damn you, pasties! There is an over-reliance on a fish-eye lens, but nothing that detracts seriously from the scene.
And the pasties make a final appearance in the last scene: Miri is on a staircase wearing some black lace lingerie, high heels and, inexplicably, what appears to be a diamond studded set of brass knuckles. Slow moving and sensuous, you get some great shots of Miri and the twins here in one of the best scenes on the disc despite the fact that it looks like she might give a punch in the face with her designer knuckle dusters. Fans of Miri’s boobs will be happy to know they are front and center here, more than most of the other tracks.
Damn you, pasties!
The final four tracks of Miri-onaire are actually quite good, possibly great if you’re as big a Miri fan as I am. However, it’s hard to give this release anything more than a reluctant recommendation given that almost half of the disc is mediocre at best, and downright boring at worst. While Momow succeeds more with this disc than its sister release, this DVD is extremely uneven. 3.5 for the final tracks on the disc and potential of the first.
And finally, that is an awful pun. Miri-onaire? What’s next? Miri-nium? Miri-meter? Miri-onette? Okay, I’ll stop now.